Toasting The Squirrel’s Nuptials (ouch):

Bomb was dropped recently that Squirrel popped the question to his lady friend.  This marks a turning point to in the lives of all Jake members.
 
The day that Heff was the last Jake member to be single (marrying your golf clubs does not count).

I will leave you with an interaction between the great Cosmo Kramer and George Costanza:
Kramer: (disgusted) Look at you.
George: Aw, Kramer, don’t start.
Kramer: You’re wasting your life.
George: I am not! What you call wasting, I call living! I’m living my life.
Kramer: Okay, like what? No, tell me! Do you have a job?
George: No.
Kramer: You got money?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George: I like to get the Daily News.