Stalkfleet reaches out to the masses:

Lt. Stalkfleet has begun the process of planning JAKE 15. He is currently hashing out the date based on each members individual climate requirements, needs, schedules and fiscal calendars. As it stands now he thinks it will be sometime in July because the weather around here in mid-June sucks*.

More details as they become available...

* this opinion is not shared by your writer it is merely an opinion expressed by other Jake members. I happen to like mid-June but hey who the hell am I? Instead we'll do it in July, a very busy month for most people what with holidays, vacations etc. - but I'm not bitter...

Bruised testical

I may have told some of you this one but it's a favorite and I think worthy of mention. It helps if you can read with an Irish brogue.

}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Two Irishmen were sitting in their local pub having a few pints and talking about their beloved rugby team after a hard fought game against the dreaded French.

"Tis a brutal game this game of ours" one said to the other. "I wholeheartedly agree - brutal" the other gentleman offered. "Did you notice one of our boys came off the field with a bruised testical?" "No!" said the 2nd gentleman writhing and wincing at the mere thought of it. "That must have been tremendously painful". "Oh, not terribly" said the other "it was one of the Frenchmen's"

Dancer Bio:

{{{{{{{{........ Submitted by Heff-Cat ........}}}}}}}}

Name – Dancer (a.k.a. Dancin' Fool, Houda Sludge)
Jake Status – Co-Founder
Weight – 192 uh hum
Status – Married, 2 children (2 girls)
Occupation – Accounting
Golf Handicap – 36
High School Picture

The Dancer

Solid- that’s what the Dancer is. Whether we are talking about his Jake performances, athletic achievement or music trivia, this is a guy who will not let you down. D is a man who despite his working class upbringing foolishly spends his money on the “finer” things in life, from his exotic car, GQ inspired wardrobe, PGA Tour quality golf equipment to his "tre' shiek" hair stylists, Fredrique.

D is the kind of dog you want in a fox hole. Easy going personality makes D the perfect travel partner. I have not heard him complain about choice of bars/restaurants, ever. Very rarely will you hear the Dancer say he has had enough to drink, not to say he is a booze-hound; it’s just that he is always part of the action.

JAKE RESUME:
Lets us all remember if it were not for D’s scum-house there would not be a “Jake Day” for the Old Granddad emblem emblazed on his fridge will always be Jake. Many guys may rest on the fact that his abode would provide the inspiration for this great day, but not the Dancer. If you were to clock the hours each Jaker has participated throughout the years D would be at the top. You want to find out what time the last drink buzzed the brain, ask D because he was there. Need to know what was the fourth bar we were at on Jake 7 talk to Dancer. With that being said, Dancer has not performed above and beyond expectations. This is not a shot at him, just stating the fact that D Dog has never made himself the center of attention, good, bad or indifferent. That may change this coming Jake.

GREAT JAKE MOMENT(s): (Jake 1-14) One word - Longevity (1992-2005)

JAKE LOW-LIGHT: Sorry, none to speak of.

3 CLUB TOURNAMENT:

Oh yes, some of the boys are entering a 3 club scramble type tournament to be held at a local course on April 23rd. Jake members who will be in attendance include Stubby, Rosco, Chag, Dancer, Heff & the Cool Chief Rocker.

The teams breakdown like this:
Team #1: Chag, Dancer, Heff & Chief
Team #2: Stubby, Rosco & 2 cats Rosco lives near (playa's from what we're told)

Team #1 will be the underdog which is how we like it. We will talk about how many strokes we will be getting at the event.

This will also be when the trophy will be given to Rosco. He will then get it to TP long about mid-May if possible.

17 @ Sawgrass

This weekend's golf tournament is probably my favorite one (besides Augusta) to watch. Pete Dye is the man when it comes to modern course design. I think he designed a course somewhere in Maryland that we should play if we all could ever find ourselves there together (warm up the RV!).

Not much else to say except I'm looking forward to getting out there this year as I always do about now.

132 yards with no wind - a perfect 9 iron for me...
...to put right in the frickin' water if I ever actually played the hole - not to mention the cleaning bill from the superintendant for having to clean my poop offa the tee.

Jake Trophy Done:

As you can see the Jake trophy is engraved and ready to be given out to the champions. I know it's late (get offa my back) because I had to figure the best way to keep the top on. We're staying with the original design (tall).

One simple rule:
You break it, you fix it. Fair?

I'd also like to suggest that the winners take a picture(s) with it so we know where it's been while they have it in their possession (Stanley Cup style).


It might be tough but we'll try to get it to each winner, if only for a short time before this years festivities. I will give it to Stalkfleet at our hockey game this Thursday night and we'll try to coordinate getting it to Rosco & TP after that.

Here is some important information pertaining to the type and size of the lettering for when we go to engrave it in the future (i.e. when me and my partner win it).
FONT: ROMAN
LENGTH: 2.42
HEIGHT: .222
WIDTH: 100

Chief's Status

Cool Chief recently inquired about his "Jake Status" at the card game the other day. He is questioning the fact that TP is a "Full" (Partner) member while he remains a mere "Associate" member. He brings up a valid point insomuch as TP has only been around since '96 or '97 and he (Chief) has made it to all subsequent Jake Day's except our inaugural voyage in 1992.

In the absence of the official forms filled out (in triplicate), please consider this thread to openly discuss Chiefy's prospects for becoming a Full (Partner) member.

I'll have to check the by-laws but is it a 2/3rds majority from the Founders (6 to 3) to make this kind of decision or maybe it's just more than 1/2 (5 to 4)?

New Cat...(?)

Rumblings of a new cat joining us for Jake this year. Someone Stalkfleet works with. Not sure if there's any truth or validity to it but we'll see.

One thing I'd like is to have the attendants set at least a month before The Day so we can work out the teams for the scramble as well as tee time logistics etc. 2 man teams only. If we have an odd number of players the newest member/participant is out of the scramble (plays his own ball).

Chief, you may want to check in with Dee to see if he's up for his sophmore year.

Lt. Stalkfleet Bio:

{{{{{{{{........Submitted by The Dancer........}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{........edited only slightly by Chag-dogg........}}}}}}}}

Name – Lt. Stalkfleet (a.k.a. LT, Lieutenant, Stalkfleet)
Jake Status – Founding Member
Weight - 188
Status – Married, 2 children (1 boy, 1 girl)
Occupation – Computer Networking dude
Golf Handicap – 26
High School Picture

The Lieutenant. The man in charge this year.

One must always appreciate a man who loves a fine cigar, which the LT does. The LT is a self-proclaimed do-it-yourselfer. He also is a man who avoids opening the wallet at all costs. Let’s just say that LT would be the type of guy who would offer to drive the boat to save a little cash on a cruise. LT is an accomplished center-man in hockey for the infamous Four Leaf Clovers, but he can’t go left. A deceivingly good golfer when he is on his game. Occasional part-time waiter for the… [actual place edited out – rhymes with Sinkale]. The LT is stuck in the 80’s, in many aspects – he absolutely loves Van Halen, he still wants to go to Montreal every year and, of course, he likes to visit any establishment with “continuous entertainment”.

JAKE RESUME:
The LT is the Viagra elixir for the group. He has tremendous staying power – one of the last men standing every year. Off his feet, the LT has also put on quite a show – the mid-day nap on a concrete bench at the “Wharf” along with the LT kneeling and screaming at the bathroom floor at the… [actual place edited out – rhymes with Jail-Soft] circa JAKE 2, when the LT stepped up and downed his fair share of shots, including the crowd favorite - Jagermeister. The man always seems to be MIA at some point every single Jake Day.

GREAT QUOTE:
Confucius say: “He who shares Busch Light beer with his friends did not necessarily lose his job.”

GREAT JAKE MOMENT(s): (Jake 1 & 2) Impressive drinking performances (1992-93)

JAKE LOW-LIGHT: (Jake 2) The sickness at the “Jail-Soft”. Not pretty (1993)

2005 Jake Scramble Results:

JAKE SCRAMBLE RULES

3 man teams are now band from the proceedings...

Tied for 1st and lost in a putting contest. Killer...

Solidly in 3rd place.

Tied for last but just squeaked it out based on hardest hole handicaps.

These guys brought up the rear but I don't remember them buying the first round... hmmm... can you say loop hole???

Kirby Puckett – Out The House

Kirby Puckett, shown displaying his Hall of Fame plaque, broke in with Minnesota in 1984, had a career batting average of .318 and carried the Twins to World Series titles in 1987 and 1991.

A sad day for a great baseball player.

Kirby Puckett

Out The House

It's hard out here for a pimp:

Well the Hold'em game was a success. It was an "all Jake" cast that included - Rosco, Stubby, Doc, Chag, Dancer, Heff & Cool Chief.

Here are the much anticipated results:
Round 1 - Dancer (2nd place Heff)
Round 2 - Doc (2nd place Chag)
Round 3 - Cool Chief (2nd place Chag & Doc)
Round 4 - Rosco (no 2nd place prize)

Great venue and a good time.

Wake up call - Jake is officially 3 months away.

Stockfleet needs to begin thinking about an itinerary...

Hold'em

A bunch of Jakers are getting together Saturday for a Texas Hold'em card game. Oh yeah baby. Who will be victorious? Results will follow...

Read and learn about Texas Hold'em here.